A crazily optimistic girl~

I've always wondered...what would other people's life be without me really? My answer is not much of a change. And it's coming from my heart. Is it not true really? It's not like I make a social impact wherever I go, whatever I do. I'm Nothing. I know myself, I know people reacting around me. I can sense it.

Its just that, I never really, y'know GET accepted easily by friends. Sometimes I really want to fit in but its like no one gives me a chance. I always seem to be a loner. Even from primary school. Everything. Ranging from choir, to studies, to wrok, to class, to... I do feel hurt being left out of conversations, being ostracised and all that. Am I really that of an alien? Sometimes, I do all that I can, try as hard, but the problem is, I fall just as hard. I tried so hard to get into the overseas competition for choir and yet a STUPID appendix stopped it all. I wanted so badly to go to the next trip, I dunno if I can even go next year at all.

I'm tired, really I am. I try to be nice, but it's like I'm the most useless, most overlooked girl. I'm really getting pissed, upset and a short temper. So I'm a little sorry to those I might have blown up to. Perhaps you offended me in some small way, that I hold a grudge for it. I really don't like people calling me bad names, (Don't worry juniors, tomato, isn't THAT bad.xD) it's hurting. I also hate people with a certain ATTITUDE, like some people wanna act pro, they can do everything, think they're showing "guan xin" for other peeps feeligs. Pfft, like real. Sometimes, I really want people to be grateful, as least give me a little respect for what I have done or praise. Is that really so hard to do?

I'm hurt badly, I feel like a ragdoll in a corner. Have people forgotten that I have emotions too or have they just simply taken other's feelings to be more important than mine? Do they have to pile all the faults on me? I feel lost, torn to shreds, dead. I might as well be dead anyway. I might as well hurt myself. I might as well stop my life once and for all. No one is going to care anyway. No one is going to really miss me. Everyone will be happy that I'm gone. That I won't be here to be a nuisance and to make anyone else feel bad. That I can take my worthless fate away. I really want to die. I don't know how to sometimes, I'm simply too confused and hurt. Since everyone's all like, seemingingly angry at me. YEAH, I'M ALL IN THE WRONG AND SHE'S ALL RIGHT! GREAT! AN ANGEL! HAPPY NOW?!?! F***. I'm not posting any clues or anything about who I'm upset at, cause, I don't want others to be hurt. Unlike SOME people. (Still think you very guan xin others?>O)

No one really loves me. No one CARES. No one appreciates me. No one. No one is even reading this, right? EVERYONE WANTS ME TO LEAVE THIS WORLD AND BE DONE WITH MY PRESENCE.

posted by melodine @ 9:23 PM